A Somber Anniversary

Today marks the anniversary of the death of my father. It was this date in 1994 that I received a call from my brother that my dad had suffered a heart attack and did not recover. I have dealt with death in my family many times prior to this instance but have never felt such heartache as I did this day. My dad's brother was killed some years prior and I was saddened and felt a great sense of loss. My mom's father had also died prior to this. However, nothing could have prepared me for the loss that I felt on this date. Two days prior to his death, we celebrated Father's Day. I was living in Houston and my father and the rest of my family, in Shorewood, IL (just outside of Chicago). The Houston Rockets had just won the NBA finals and I arrived home to my apartment (I lived alone at the time) when my brother, who lived 1 1/2 hours away in Beaumont, called me with the news. If you can imagine living alone and hearing that your father had died, you can start to imagine what I began to deal with.

Nevertheless, I made the flight with my brother, his wife who was pregnant with what would have been my dad's first grandchild, to Chicago. Needless to say, it was not a very fun flight. All I remember about the next few days is that when I arrived at the funeral home for my father's wake, I literally needed help to stand and walk toward the casket to see my father lying in death. It was probably the first time I had taken death to such a personal level that I was not sure how I would ever be able to recover. It dawned on me as well, that I had just spent time with my dad and family in Florida only a week before this incident. In the end, I realized that life is too unpredictable to count on anything. While I tried to live day to day and enjoy life while we could, his death left an indelible impact on my psyche that has yet to be explored.

Regardless, I want to tell my dad that I love him with all my hear and even though he in not around, I wish him the best Father's Day possible.